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Showing posts with label turkey. Show all posts
Showing posts with label turkey. Show all posts

in defiance of tyranny


This week, you will be tempted.
You will want to give in, give up, give out.
You will endure one of the most intense situations you will ever encounter in this life.
The very fiber of your being will be tried in a Jack Bauer-esque struggle of epic proportions.
This week, you will be tempted to give in to . . . Christmas.

The day after Thanksgiving, your fingers will twitch, your ears will roar, your legs will become unsteady as you move slowly towards the attic, drawn inexplicably to the Christmas decorations stored there, sultry sirens calling your name, begging you to skip right over Advent and dive headlong into Christmas.
This week, though, you get to fight. You get to do battle with the world’s mad dash to Christmas. You get to engage in hand-to-hand combat with consumerism, mommy bloggers’ Christmas projects, and Pinterest boards of Christmasy goodness.
Instead, you get to confess Christ boldly. You get to wait. You even get to work yourself into an Advent frenzy with William Wallace-like bravado. FREEDOMMMMMMMMM!
Fight and you may die. Run and you will live at least awhile. And dying in your bed many years from now, would you be willing to trade all the days from this day to that for one chance, just one chance, to come back here as young men and tell our enemies that they may take our lives but they will never take our (Advent) freedom!
Ok. Well. Still.
This week, you get to reclaim what is yours: the season of Advent, the Advent wreath, the waiting, the anticipation, the measured pace through the next few weeks, the looking forward.
We Lutherans ought to be good at Advent. {Heck, we’re the ones who created the Advent wreath, after all.} We don’t move quickly. We’re often quietistic. We don’t like to make up our minds too quickly.

And so, this year, let’s play to our theological strengths. Let’s wait. Let’s not be rushed. Let’s take our time. Let’s be slow and deliberate. 
Like salmon swimming against the culture’s current, let’s measure our pace, take a deep breath, and focus on waiting for our Lord.
The anticipation of Christmas is a picture of the Church’s faithful waiting for our Lord’s coming again. “This Jesus, who was taken up from you into heaven,” angels tell the disciples on the Mount of Ascension, “will come in the same way you saw Him go into heaven” (Acts 1:11), namely, openly, for all to see. Ever since, God’s people have been “on the lookout.” We “look for the resurrection of the dead and the life of the world to come,” all of which will take place when “He will come again with glory to judge both the living and the dead” (Nicene Creed). {Read the full article by the Rev. Dr. Herbert Mueller here.}
Let’s not tick off the days in exasperation, anxious to get to presents. Let’s go in our own way: Sundays in Advent, candles in purple and rose, days, weeks, time.
Let’s look to Christ, who is never rushed, never impatient. Let’s wait with the whole Church on earth, methodically and with grace. Let’s pray the O Antiphons. Let’s sing Advent hymns. Let’s look forward joyfully.
Advent is not pre-Christmas. It is not a series of mini-celebrations of Christ’s birth. But Advent is a season of hope, a season rooted in waiting for the arrival of Christ’s mercy. . . . Advent is always there to build you up by showing you the love of the Savior for whom you wait. {Read the full article by the Rev. Hans Fiene here.}
This week, eat turkey. Gorge yourself on mashed potatoes. Give thanks for our Lord’s love and mercy shown at your table on Thanksgiving and at His each Sunday. And then sit back in your recliner. Breathe. 
And like Mary, ponder it all in your heart: Christ’s second coming, His forgiveness for you, and Christ Himself, whose timing–slow and measured–is always, always perfect.

bread inside of a cake


Being the baby of the family has its advantages. Your parents aren't as strict with you as they were with your siblings. Your bedtime is a little more flexible. 

And you don't have to cook the Thanksgiving turkey, no matter what age you are, because you're the baby, and babies just don't know how to do that very important adult-ish stuff.

Clearly.



What we CAN handle, however, is bread. 

Or cake. Or bread cake. Or brake. Or ca-ad. Kind of like turducken but more carby.

The instructions are super difficult, so you have to follow closely.

(1) Bake pumpkin bread. (2) Cut out said bread in the shape of pumpkin. (3) Bake the shapes inside a pound cake. (4) Eat. 


But don't be deterred. It's totally do-able. Maybe even more do-able than roasting a turkey. 

Plus, you get to load up on the scraps of the bread that don't get cut into the shape of pumpkins. 

I also cut turkey legs out of pumpkin bread, so I'm pretty sure that almost counts as making my own turkey, right, Mom?

Mom? 


You can use pound cake and pumpkin bread mixes or make your own from scratch. I do recommend adding a little pound cake mix to the bottom of the pan before stacking your cut-out bread inside it. 


Otherwise the bottom of your pumpkins/turkey legs get a little cut off, and if you're showing up to Thanksgiving with something as awesome as this, you can't afford one little flub-up. 

Older siblings are all over that nonsense. 


Once your bread-cake-combo-of-deliciousness has cooled, slice that beauty up and impress the turkey legs off the rest of your family. 

But mostly your older brothers and sisters. 

They can brine and roast and fry their birds. But only YOU can show up with a pumpkin inside a cake. See? Being the baby really does have its advantages!







of wattles and beaks

Heins are cow people.
Dorrs are pig people. 
And turkey people.
And chicken people too. 
That is to say, we used to be. 
Now we're just pig people. 
Like the Heins are cow people.

I think we've been over this before. 

To the point: More than a few Thanksgivings ago, my grandfather sent one of his 20-pound turkeys to Washington, D.C., for President Roosevelt to eat for his Thanksgiving dinner. 

Because if you're not eating turkey Iowa-style, brother, you're not eating turkey. 

That's my grandpa on the left, admiring that fine specimen that's undoubtedly wanting to peck his eyes out. 

My dad raised turkeys for a while too. And while I was a chicken girl myself, my sisters vouch for the fact that turkeys have minds--and beaks--of their own. 

And they have wattles. 

Wattles, friends.

I think we're done here. 

Basically, the fact that this Iowa corn-and-milk-fed turkey made it to Washington, D.C.--via airmail no less . . . and with a pound of Iowa butter as a side--without pecking free in a Mitch Rapp-esque move to ditch the man delivering him to the president is somewhat of a miracle.

He could have done it too.
Check out that beak. 
It means business, folks. 

He's watching you. You know he is. 

The best part? 
This line: 
"'Iowa turkey, butter-baked with Iowa butter' should afford a dish fit for the president."

In a strange turn of events, no one melted down about the fact that there was butter involved! (See what I did there? Butter? Melted? It was . . . I just . . . ok then.) 

The media didn't start a new health initiative to ban butter or publish nightly news stories that the president's arteries were clogging as he digested or start a worldwide anti-cholesterol campaign. 

They just sent the man some butter and a bird on Thanksgiving. 

Iowa style. 



And so, with calories and meat (and wattles . . . let's not forget the wattles . . . ) on the brain, we pray the best for your holiday and look forward to hearing how you prepared the beef or pork you're undoubtedly eating tomorrow. 
(See lines 1 and 2 of this post. Cows and pigs, people. Cows and pigs.) 

And as we go, we leave you with a little Dave Barry, who has very little to do with Iowa or presidents but who is quite hysterical when it comes to all things turkey. 

And pretty much all things ever. 

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!



(This classic Dave Barry column was originally published on Nov. 15, 1998, in the Miami Herald.) 
Get a frozen turkey at the supermarket. The Turkey Manufacturers Association recommends that, before you purchase a frozen bird, you check it for firmness by test-dropping it on the supermarket floor -- it should bounce three vertical inches per pound -- and then take a core sample of the breast by drilling into it with a ]-inch masonry bit until you strike the giblets. If supermarket employees attempt to question you, the Turkey Manufacturers Association recommends that you ``gesture at them with the drill in a reassuring manner.''
When you get the turkey home, you should thaw it completely by letting it sit on a standard kitchen counter at room temperature for one half of the turkey's weight in hours, or roughly 19 weeks. ''If you see spiders nesting in your turkey,'' states the Turkey Manufacturers Association, ``you waited too long.''
Once the turkey is defrosted, you simply cook it in a standard household oven at 138.4 degrees centimeter for 27 minutes per pound (29 minutes for married taxpayers filing jointly). Add four minutes for each 100 feet of your home's elevation above sea level, which you should determine using a standard household sextant. Inspect the turkey regularly as it cooks; when you notice that the skin has started to blister, the time has come for you to give your guests the message they've been eagerly awaiting: ``Run!''



Read more here: http://www.miamiherald.com/2007/11/18/288480/great-american-turkeys.html#storylink=cpy

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